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The Philosopher

We got Trouble, Trouble, Trouble, Right here in the U.S.A., It starts
“I-W-Y-L” and that stands for “I Win, You Lose” ver. 1.0.1
The Top Gun National Crises Troubleshooter, Retired
https://thephilosopheronpolitics.wordpress.com/tag/I-win-you-lose

    4/9/2015

The police forces of the U.S.A. are retaining officers with the attitude that “I win, you lose”. This attitude has made the news in recent events where the officers clearly had this attitude that they were going to win and the alleged suspect is going to lose. It has shown up in Fergusson, Missouri, Chicago, Illinois, and North Charleston, S.C. There are several possibilities for the origin of this attitude of “I win, you lose,” for this attitude has been observed in many circumstances many times.

    Communication Styles:

Communication professionals have identified four different styles of communication and actions: “I win, you lose,” “I win, you win,” “You win, I lose,” and “You win, I lose, but I will get you back.” These styles are also identified by names: Aggressive, Assertive, Submissive, and Passive Aggressive. These styles of communication have also been labeled: Parent to Child, Adult to Adult, Child to Parent, and Loser to Winner. These styles of communication have been characterized as: Tyrant, Adult, Door Mat, and Snake-in-the-Grass.

    The Origin of I Win You Lose:

Psychology has chimed in on this situation of “I win, you lose” origins. Adlerian Psychologist has attributed these tendencies of aggression to their family of origin. For example, the older of two brothers, close in age, could produce a male with aggressive tendencies in the older male developing the “I win, you lose” attitude. The younger brother, having experienced bulling from his older brother, will have the tendency to bully others as well, thinking this is how to treat other people. Therefore, these aggressive “I win, you lose” tendencies could have their roots in the family of origin.

    Military training is all about “I win, you lose.” The transition from being taught to destroy an enemy (“I win, you lose”) in the military to “I win, you win” in civilian life is not always an easy transition to make. We could see many of our war veterans, struggling with this transition to civilian life; it is not easy to reeducate one’s communication style once indoctrinated into an aggressive style, or any of the other dysfunctional styles, of communicating with others.
    The environment that one grows up in can influence their communications and actions. Even one’s formative years in grade school and high school is often shaped by their teachers, who have this “I win, you lose” attitude. If this is how we are going to train our children, can we really expect them to grow up and invent their own assertive “I win, you win” communication style which will precede their actions towards others?

Some of us then send or have sent our children to Sunday school, where hopefully they will learn how to relate to others as equals. But, even in church setting, this writer has witnessed “I win, you lose” attitudes. It seems as if our missions in life can take precedent over our relations with others.

    Maturity:

C. G. Jung observed a change in men’s lives between the ages of 35 to 39 years. Working with the general population, he surveyed men of various ages and in this survey he asked them one question: “Is God important in your life?” He received responses like, “God has no meaning in my life” to “God is the most important person in my life.” He plotted this data on an X-Y Cartesian coordinate graph. The results were nothing short of amazing; there was a huge spike in the curve between the ages of 35 and 39 years where the responses changed from God having no influence to God being the most important person. Therefore, it can be concluded that men will often see a transition in their life during this mid-life time period. It could prove to be a very interesting follow-up study to see if these men who transitioned from God having no influence to God being the most important” attended Sunday school in their youth.

We are What We Fight Against:

    Psychologists have also observed that a person will become like what they are fighting against. For our police officers, this is a warning sign. In order for our police officers to maintain their perspective, they need to be associated with a group of people who are not fighting against the behavior that our police officers see every day. If our police officers associate mainly with other police officers, it will be difficult for all the officers to maintain the proper perspective about other people, and a culture of “I win, you lose” can spread throughout the police force.

      The Solution to “I Win, You Lose”:

    It appears that the most effective change we could make in our police forces is to require our officers of the law to participate with a group of people that see a more friendly side of life in our society, such as a church, a charitable nonprofit organization, or a club with charitable objectives. The basic premise for these types of programs can be found in Paul’s writings in I Corinthians Chapter 13 that ends with verse 13: “And these three remain, Faith, Hope, and Love/Charity, but the greatest of these is love/Charity”.
    QED